I should trust him more

Today I told him what I wanted to tell him about last week(the toy show). I have been thinking about it, specially last night I thought too much about it. It was not healthy for me. I thought it is making me more sad and more tired and more upset if I didnt tell him. So I dont like telling him through skype I told him.



Me: "I can't see you tomorrow and this Friday. I've got class, and some other things to deal with. Plus I don't wanna feel bad this week, like last week at the toy show. I don't need that kinda pain but I know it'll happen again, and it hurts. You never know how much you hurt me, and you don't care about it. Yeah just let me say that it hurts."

He:"i didnt mean to do or say anthing to hurt you. if i did im sorry.i never want to make you suffer,belive it or not that was important business call. other wise i wouldent have picked up
i dont think you really have a concept of how difficult it is for me trying to get the simplest things done for my business. everything i want to do is nearly impossable.but thats another subject.

i never want to hurt you.

i tryed to contact her to get in touch with her friend who works in the handicaped field. not many people are willing to help me with anything including her since she never sent me an email with the girls contact info. one of my friends is willing to help me on a very rare occation as long as its something easy. one of my friends is totaly unwilling to help me ever. one of my friends will help me but very rarely.

you are always willing to help me but i feel bad asking you all the time.

you know i think of you all the time when your not here. you know how i feel about you.

dont let a phone call or somthing stupid i say come between us OK?"



After chatting with him I just think that I should trust him more. Thanks for telling me. It means a lot to me hearing that from you.

I may be patient but i do get jealous.....

I am his girlfriend?!

27th June
he asked if I want to be his girlfriend. I didnt answer cleary but he understood that I meant Yes. But honestly I am not sure if I want to be his girlfriend yet. I like to be with him. He makes me happy always. I can not imagine life without him. Yes I like him very much but I didnt answer yes about his question.

30th June
We went to the toy show at the Tokyo bigsite. But there was a problem for me. I was his girlfriend but before we went to the show, he got phone call from his ex who is Japanese. Why now? I wanted to go to the toy show but WHY? Why did she call him and why he didnt cut off her call quickly? It made me angry and sad. Yes I am jealous because I didnt know about his past and the ex.... but I want to say thank her becasue she left him/he left her. Anyway, he is mine! But I was stupid. Because of my jealous, I told him that I could not be his girlfriend. It is hard. And I am such a very jealoussyyyy girl.

2nd July
I dont know maybe it was 1st July..... well, I told him that I want to be his girlfriend. He said "YES You Are My Girlfriend From now on". I am His Girlfriend. I am Happy. But you know, it is not important to be named GF. The most important is heart. We know our feeling each other. He said "Word is not important". But I think it is important... but maybe sometimes it is not so important..... We like each other.

I spent time with him till 4th July. I love being with him. He makes me happy. I like to stick together with him. I have never loved someone before, like this. I love him but I dont say I love him yet.... maybe someday.

One more thing, what I want is His Baby. I am not kidding. But before having baby I want to marry him. However, he might not marry me. I want to ask but I would never ask about it. I am waiting this word *Marrige* at this moment.

I hope his bussiness is going well. I am praying everyday, just for him. Night my big baby. xoxo